liamjr24: (Default)
Just give me this one night
Just one night to feel like I might be on the right path
The path that takes me home
Wise enough to know myself

I think everyone is starting to suffer from "Big Yellow Taxi" syndrome, as relates to my (likely) move to America. I.e. "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone". Ashlea still seems genuinely upset at the thought of my leaving, though wants me to do what's right for me. The likes of Bob, Jim and Charlie are starting to realise that it's the more likely of the eventualities and are being somewhat less understanding in their expression of their feelings. Not in any hurtful way, but I'm starting to feel that their jokes about getting me arrested to prevent my receiving a visa or entry into the country are not completely laced in pathos.

I can't say I understand their position on it, certainly I understand and appreciate it much less than Ashlea's. When Dad moved to Germany, I supported his decision entirely. He'd fallen in love and had decided to make a new life for himself. Although my circumstances are not the same as Dad's, the situation is not dissimilar. In a lot of ways, I want a fresh start and a new life. I'll miss everyone here terribly - Bob, Jim and Ashlea more than most - but I'm stagnating here. I'm miserable at work and I'm grinding down into a monotony, right down to eating virtually the same meals every day, each week.

I know I'll be lonely as all hell when I first start out. But my friends will only be a Facebook call or an instant message away. I'll be making regular trips back here. I'm not turning my back on this place forever, or even at all. Life is too short to spend so much of it alone. If/when I leave, I'll be OK. If I have reason enough to go, I have reason enough to stay gone. It's not my responsibility to make sure they're all OK, too.

Wheels up...

liamjr24: (Default)
Going on a holiday that I haven't planned is proving stressful. Not because I'm concerned about something being forgotten - Bob is doing an excellent job of organising everything - but I'm running out of time to get anything done.

Deadlines have shifted 10 days forward at work. My last two days have been immensely productive but I'm stressed to the eyeballs and I'm seriously on the verge of finding somewhere else to work. There's a fixed term vacancy in the Rights of Way team which I suspect will be infinitely less stressful and the pay is not much less than I'm on now. In fact, hour by hour, I suspect it's no different, as it's fewer hours. Plus, with the fixed term, I can start preparing to make the likely move across the water. Ashlea has applied for a job in my department though and, if she gets it, there's no way I'm leaving her to fend for herself in that place.

I'm exhausted but, at the same time, can't sleep. I've got to get my travel money tomorrow after work and then go and write Sunday's match report with Bob. Then, on Thursday, I need to get a haircut before making sure I'm fully packed, then double and triple check everything. I need to write to my nan, after her operation, phone Dad and a dozen other things that I can't even remember, but know are still outstanding.

I'm conscious of the fact that I'm going to have limited opportunity to speak to Meghann while I'm abroad (limited moreso than it already is, owing to the time difference and the fact that we're both so busy all the time). Part of me is glad that I miss her so much, when we don't get to speak a lot. It makes so many of my decisions in the future easier to make, knowing how much happier she makes me.

The world is moving too fast for me...

October 2017



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